Life is WooHoo !!

It’s been 30 years since I was last single that is if I ever was at all, having “known” my ex-husband since I was seven years old.  The landscape has certainly changed and even the vocabulary is unfamiliar.  I feel somewhat socially hindered, I am not familiar with the rules and in reality, and I don’t know if I want to engage in social recreation.  Upon reflection, I believe it will take more than I will ever find in a man to be better than none  😉

I have determined that it isn’t life as a grown up that is complicated; it was life with a partner that was complicated.  Single life holds many pleasures which I had largely unanticipated.  I have experienced something extraordinary about life which I have never known.  Life is fun!  Life is exciting!  Everyday can be better than the day before, as more of the complicated web I had intertwined into my life is disentangled by simple pleasures such as laughter and my recently found enjoyment of life itself. Of the intense fear, insecurity and relief with which I began this journey, only the relief remains.

The rare days in which the attachment factor of the relationship prevailed, are replaced with feelings of nostalgia which are inherently set in the past.  On those days I remind myself how good it is to be self-reliant and in doing so I am reaffirming my self-esteem.  If I ignored that crucial aspect of building my self-esteem on a daily basis, which years of abuse had rendered non-existent, I would remain stuck in those days and find myself way back with the anger, bitterness and depression.

There is not one aspect of my life has remained the same.  I have learned to celebrate the daily personal victories but not to discount the immense losses.  Acknowledging the losses is equally important as acknowledging the victories.  In dealing with the grief that accompanied those losses, I have all the strength I once used to balance on the tightrope which I lived during my marriage and indeed the entirety of my life. This strength together with the knowledge that grief has had a course to run before closure could occur has been sufficient.  Although many precious people, things and an undeniable gargantuan of personal emotional investment have been lost, I realise much of that which I mourned was both flawed and worthless.

The full consequences of the relationship dissolution will for me, never be known.  Yet I conclude that the joy I have found in not only life itself, but in myself, continually out weighs all possible negative repercussions that have or indeed may follow.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mary
    Aug 13, 2011 @ 22:13:08

    Beautiful……

    Reply

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    Jun 25, 2013 @ 08:59:55

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